Fairy
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
A Cabbie and A NUN
A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing
You could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have sex with a nun.'
She responds,
'Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, You have to be single
#2, You must be Catholic.
#3, I have to save my virginity, you will have to enter me from behind.
The cab driver is very excited and says,
'Yes, I'm single, Catholic, and I'm happy to enter from behind!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfills his fantasy, in a way that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to fancy dress party.'
HAHAHAHAHA....
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing
You could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have sex with a nun.'
She responds,
'Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, You have to be single
#2, You must be Catholic.
#3, I have to save my virginity, you will have to enter me from behind.
The cab driver is very excited and says,
'Yes, I'm single, Catholic, and I'm happy to enter from behind!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfills his fantasy, in a way that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to fancy dress party.'
HAHAHAHAHA....
Not all blondes are stupid..
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and
bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm 'completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...
'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are stupid.. Not all blondes are dumb, But all men are men.
bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm 'completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...
'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are stupid.. Not all blondes are dumb, But all men are men.
JUST SOME GOOD HUMOUR
Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you,
it's only when you leave her a virgin.
Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror is when both are pregnant!
Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female.
And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?
Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you?
To see if you really mean it!
Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again with same perfection.
Wives are funny creatures.
They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks
and then they want to kill the woman who does.
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone
is still getting screwed!
This week is Breast Awareness Week.
Spread the slogan .......
"We stare because we care!"
The saddest part of a man's body is his balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.
If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.
What's the difference between a bomb & a condom?
In a bomb blast, population decreases
BUT in a condom blast, population increases.
it's only when you leave her a virgin.
Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror is when both are pregnant!
Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female.
And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?
Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you?
To see if you really mean it!
Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again with same perfection.
Wives are funny creatures.
They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks
and then they want to kill the woman who does.
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone
is still getting screwed!
This week is Breast Awareness Week.
Spread the slogan .......
"We stare because we care!"
The saddest part of a man's body is his balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.
If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.
What's the difference between a bomb & a condom?
In a bomb blast, population decreases
BUT in a condom blast, population increases.
Dating Ladies of Different Countries..
IRISH WOMEN:
First Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th A nniversary:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
CHINESE WOMEN
First date:
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date:
You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again. Third date:
You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing
is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN
First date:
Meet her parents.
Second date:
Set the date of the wedding. Third date:
Wedding night.
MEXICAN WOMEN
First Date:
You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date:
She's pregnant. Third Date:
She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his
three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
ARAB WOMEN
First Date:
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, A unts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date:
Guy is shot dead. No third date!!!
LEBANESE WOMEN
First Date:
You will have to spend all your money to impress
Second Date:
You will take a loan to keep the image Third Date:
Your are broke, she finds someone wealthier
First Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th A nniversary:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
CHINESE WOMEN
First date:
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date:
You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again. Third date:
You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing
is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN
First date:
Meet her parents.
Second date:
Set the date of the wedding. Third date:
Wedding night.
MEXICAN WOMEN
First Date:
You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date:
She's pregnant. Third Date:
She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his
three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
ARAB WOMEN
First Date:
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, A unts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date:
Guy is shot dead. No third date!!!
LEBANESE WOMEN
First Date:
You will have to spend all your money to impress
Second Date:
You will take a loan to keep the image Third Date:
Your are broke, she finds someone wealthier
How Engineers Eyes Become Sharp
Define Sinusoidal or Harmonic Motion
This is a quick lesson in physics for all engineers and should be passed on to others like them
who wonder about these sorts of things.
For non-engineers:
This is Sinusoidal Motion
But trained engineers,
Know this as Harmonic Motion
However to my trained engineering eye, this is Classic Sinusoidal & Harmonic Motion
I'm sending this to you because I know you like to keep 'a breast' of all classic mathematical and engineering problems...purely in the name of science!
HEHEHE....
This is a quick lesson in physics for all engineers and should be passed on to others like them
who wonder about these sorts of things.
For non-engineers:
This is Sinusoidal Motion
But trained engineers,
Know this as Harmonic Motion
However to my trained engineering eye, this is Classic Sinusoidal & Harmonic Motion
I'm sending this to you because I know you like to keep 'a breast' of all classic mathematical and engineering problems...purely in the name of science!
HEHEHE....
Computer Password Rejected
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer and, at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and would use each time he had to log on.
The husband was a bit bored by the process and, feeling in a rather amorous mood, figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he paused for effect, then letter by letter, with his wife watching over his shoulder, he keyed in ......
P
E
N
I
S
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
PASSWORD: REJECTED....... NOT LONG ENOUGH
Dont Mess With a Filipino Girl..
In a New York sidewalk, a Filipino is enjoying a hearty breakfast "
coffee, croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc.
While an American, chewing a gum, sat next to him and started an
unwanted conversation...
American: You Filipinos eat the whole bread?
Filipino: Of course!
American: (Blowing bubbles with his gum) we don't. We, Americans only
eat what's inside. The crust we collect in a container, recycle, make
these into croissants and sell these to the Philippines.
American: Do you eat jam with bread?
Filipino: Of course!
American: (Chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth) we don't.
Americans eat fruits at breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and
leftovers into containers, turn these into jam and sell it to the Philippines
.
Filipino: Do you have sex in America?
American: Of course, we do!
Filipino: What do you do with the condoms?
American: We throw them, of course!
Filipino: We don't. In the Philippines, we put them into containers,
recycle them, turn them into chewing gums and sell it to America.
Branded Panties
Two ladies went through the custom check point after an oversea trip. Customer Officer found Lady A had seven branded panties in her luggage. When Lady A said the panties were not bought oveaseas, the Customer Officer asked: "Why do you need to bring seven panties on an oveasea trip?"
Lady A replied: "I do not do washing when I am abroad. Don't you know that one week has seven days?" She was let go without having to pay tax. Customer Officer then opened the suitcase of Lady B and found twelve panties. When she insisted that she brought them from home, the Custom Officer asked: "Why do you need to bring twelve panties on an oversea trip?" The offended Lady B replied: "I also do not wash when I travel. Don't you know that one year has twelve months?
Lady A replied: "I do not do washing when I am abroad. Don't you know that one week has seven days?" She was let go without having to pay tax. Customer Officer then opened the suitcase of Lady B and found twelve panties. When she insisted that she brought them from home, the Custom Officer asked: "Why do you need to bring twelve panties on an oversea trip?" The offended Lady B replied: "I also do not wash when I travel. Don't you know that one year has twelve months?
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